The Unexpected English Lesson

In an on-line environment, it is easy to forget that you may be conversing with a non-English speaking person. However, if you are not careful, you may unexpectedly find yourself giving an English lesson. In a recent conversation, I used the word "exotic" without thinking and suddenly found myself having to define it. After explaining what it meant in the context the conversation, I offered examples of other uses. I really should have stopped before I got to "exotic dancer". ^_^

The Importance Of A

"Today, Canada is gross."

"Today, Canada is a gross."

See how important that "a" is? Of course, a true Canadian would say, "Today, Canada is a gross, eh."

For any non-Canadians who may be wondering what I am blathering about: Canada is 144 years old. Which is a gross. Just be careful with those a's, eh.

Conspiracy Theories 101

Conspiracy theories exist for two reasons: paranoid crazy people and stories that don't add up. There is nothing you can do about the first reason. There are two ways to avoid the second reason: by giving the all facts or by getting your story straight. Unfortunately, people in the intelligence business always dissemble, so you are left with method two. If you fail badly at getting your story straight, you will actually spawn a counter conspiracy theory which states that you are intentionally trying to create a conspiracy theory.

And yes, I am a paranoid crazy person. ^__^

That Was Odd

While talking to Marie, my sister in the UK, she casually mentioned that she thinks our family is "a bit odd", which I suppose is a lot better than being completely odd. ^_^

We may be odd (what's normal anyway?) but at least we are nice about it. We don't go around claiming our oddness is superior to anyone else's. Add the family still manages to get along, despite our oddness. Some "normal" families can't stand each other, as my sister Jean discovered when she told some co-workers that she enjoyed spending time with her family.

Anyway, I had a nice chat with Marie today, despite the odd comment here and there. Our soapboxes did get a bit high, though. ^_^

Owning Ideas

The recent spate of intellectual property law suits reminds me of a Goon Show episode in which one of the characters copyrights the word help. As usual, the classic "He's fallen in the water!" happens. When he shouts for for help, the copyright holder graciously pulls the victim out, charges him for using the word help, and promptly throws the sucker back! Of course, the victim shouts for help again, and the whole gag repeats. If that sounds like it was completely insane, it's no more insane than the possibility of someone owning an idea.

Now, if only I could remember in which episode that happened...

Building From Source

Building from source written in a language with which you are not deeply familiar, almost guarantees that the build will fail. Usually in an obscure way. Trust me on this. ^^

Now when this happens, you should ask your self, do I a) figure this out or b) just download an older prebuilt binary, even if it may not be up to date? If you picked a) then you are as crazy as I am. Nice to meet you. ^^

The sane people can leave now.

Nutritional Facts

I've always found it ironic that a "nutritional facts" label appears on edible products (I hesitate to call them "food" products) when they have little or no nutritional value. Unless a fatty, sugar rush counts as nutrition and nobody told me. It doesn't, does it? Just checking.

The problems with these labels is that they are too technical. In addition to the grams and percentages, there should a overall numeric rating. A zero means, "You will die very happy within an hour," a five means, "It's good for you unless you over do it, then you will die very happy within an hour," and a ten means, "It's good for you, eat as much as you want." For the humour impaired, I'm being very silly but that doesn't make it a bad idea.

No More Time Paradoxes?

It seems that quantum mechanics may solved the whole time paradox problem of time travel, by a theory known as postselection. Yay! Just what we need. More quantum mechanics to enrich our lives. ^^

The classic paradox is where you travel back in time and kill your grandfather. Under postselection, some alternative reason would appear out of nowhere to explain your existence. For example, suddenly you father was illegitimate and your grandmother marries your real grandfather after you kill her husband. And if you kill your real grandfather, it turns out you grandmother lied about who your father's real father was and marries your real, real grandfather. And so on, and so on, and so on...

I'm sure all of this will make building that first quantum based time machine so much easier. Of course, my time machine doesn't work that way all. Oops, did I really write that I have a time machine? I better erase it. Why won't it erase? Damn those quantum mechanic time travellers and their alternate technologies. ^^

Lame April Fools

Every April Fools, it seems like more and more people are making humorous prank postings of some sort or another. The problem is that the volume have become so much that most of it isn't very funny any more. Usually I'll see at least one good prank post that is worth mentioning, but this year it was all very lame. Has this Internet fad become dull and boring already?

Note To Self

Note 1: Next time I'm tempted to take on two projects at the same time because they look easy, give myself a swift kick the pants. I should know by now that those "easy looking" projects are the most risky for getting bogged down.

Note 2: Installing software from source for production use is a pain. Avoid it if at all possible. Remember, you have to manage security updates for the software as well. Prepackaged binaries is one big reason I use Linux, damn it!

Project Humour

Every project starts with some sort of specification. This is one of favourites: "You did project A and project B for us a few years ago. We have a new project C which combines A and B and adds a few more features. Should be easy, right?" Er, no, not really. Then there is the famous, "This just an abstract, high level design for now." OK, then can I give an abstract estimate? No, I thought not. Ah, the lighter side of custom software projects. ^^

Milk In Bags

Oh, no! Ontarian's drink milk from plastic bags! This dirty little secret was exposed when this video was posted on YouTube. I've lived in Ontario long enough that I take bagged milk for granted, but for most of world it is a very strange way to buy milk. This Toronto Star article mentions a few places that switching to bagged milk, including South Africa where I was born. Perhaps bagged milk is the future and us folk in Eastern Canada are just ahead of the curve. Or maybe we are just weird. ^^

Dark Matter

So what happens if we confirm the existence of dark matter? Perhaps Douglas Adams already gave us the answer:

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

The man was a genius!

April Fools' Day

Its good to see that the gloomy times have not dampen the April Fools' Day pranks. Slashdot.org was at it again as usual but even the mainstream is getting into it more and more every year. My favourite was the Microsoft asks for bailout story from infoworld.com. The Toronto Star any a list of interesting hoaxes.

I was going announce I had won the lottery and was retiring, but decided against it. Someone might think I was being serious. :-D